In today’s world, turning 20 or 30 can come with a lot of expectations. By this age, many young people are expected to have a good job, earn a comfortable income, start a business, buy a car, build a house, or get married. For some, these goals may already be taking shape. For others, however, life looks very different.
Across Nigeria, many young people are trying to find their feet in a society where success is often measured by what a person owns, how much money they make, and how far they appear to have progressed in life. Unfortunately, when people feel they are not meeting these expectations, they may begin to question their abilities, compare themselves with others, and worry that they are falling behind.
The reality is that not everyone follows the same path, but the pressure to achieve certain milestones at a particular age has become a source of concern for many young Nigerians.
Social media has made this pressure even more noticeable. Every day, people scroll through pictures and videos of friends buying cars, moving into new apartments, travelling abroad, launching businesses, getting married, and celebrating professional achievements. While these moments may represent genuine success, constantly seeing them can make someone feel as though everyone else is moving forward while they remain in the same place.
Imagine a young graduate who has spent years studying, hoping to secure a good job after leaving school. After graduation, the person begins searching for employment but encounters repeated disappointments. Months may turn into years, and the pressure from family members and friends can become difficult to manage.
Meanwhile, someone the graduate knows may have secured a job, started a business, or relocated abroad. Although both individuals may have different circumstances, the comparison can create feelings of frustration and inadequacy.
What makes the situation more difficult is that social media rarely tells the complete story. People often share their achievements without discussing the financial struggles, disappointments, debts, sacrifices, or personal challenges they experienced along the way. As a result, viewers may compare their everyday struggles with carefully selected moments from someone else’s life.
This comparison can create an unrealistic picture of what success should look like.
Another major source of pressure comes from family and society. In many Nigerian families, parents and relatives naturally want to see young people become independent and establish themselves in life. However, questions about employment, marriage, financial stability, and personal achievements can sometimes leave young adults feeling uncomfortable.
A person in their late twenties may repeatedly hear questions such as, “When are you getting married?” “When will you buy your own house?” or “What are you doing with your life?”
Although these questions may come from concern or good intentions, they can become emotionally exhausting when the person is already doing everything possible to improve their situation.
For young Nigerians who are still trying to establish themselves financially, the expectations can feel particularly heavy. Some are supporting their parents, paying their siblings’ school fees, contributing to household expenses, and trying to save money for their own future at the same time.
In such situations, progress may be slower than expected, not because the person lacks ambition, but because they are carrying responsibilities that others may not see.
The economic realities facing many Nigerians also make the journey toward success more complicated. Finding stable employment, saving enough money to start a business, paying rent, and meeting everyday expenses can be challenging, especially when income is limited.
Even young people who have jobs may discover that their earnings are barely enough to cover their basic needs. After paying for transportation, feeding, accommodation, and other responsibilities, little may remain for savings or investment.
For those trying to start businesses, the challenges can be equally demanding. Access to capital, the cost of running a business, competition, and unpredictable customer demand can make it difficult to achieve the results they hoped for.
Yet, despite these realities, young people are often expected to achieve success quickly.
The pressure to appear successful can also push some individuals into making decisions they are not financially prepared for. Someone may purchase an expensive phone on credit simply to avoid feeling embarrassed among friends. Another person may borrow money to organise an elaborate celebration because they want others to believe they are doing well.
Others may enter business ventures without proper planning or take financial risks because they are desperate to make money quickly.
While there is nothing wrong with enjoying achievements or celebrating important milestones, problems can arise when the desire to impress others becomes more important than personal financial stability.
Real progress does not always look impressive from the outside. Sometimes, it means paying off a debt, learning a valuable skill, saving a small amount of money, improving a business gradually, or finding the courage to start again after experiencing failure.
These achievements may not attract attention on social media, but they can make a meaningful difference in a person’s life.
Another issue worth considering is the belief that success must happen within a specific period. Society sometimes creates the impression that a person who has not achieved certain things by age 30 has somehow failed.
However, people begin their journeys from different positions. Some have financial support from their families, while others must provide for themselves from an early age. Some have access to opportunities through personal connections, while others must work much harder to find the same opportunities.
Educational backgrounds, family responsibilities, health, location, access to capital, and unexpected life events can all influence how quickly someone progresses.
It is therefore unfair to judge two people by the same timeline without considering their individual circumstances.
Turning 30 without owning a house does not automatically mean a person has failed. Being unmarried at 35 does not mean someone has missed their opportunity for happiness. Running a small business instead of working in a large company does not make someone less successful.
Success can take different forms, and its meaning may change as a person grows older and gains a better understanding of what matters most to them.
For some people, success means financial independence. For others, it means building a peaceful home, raising a family, developing a career, supporting loved ones, or having the freedom to make decisions without constantly worrying about money.
There are also people whose greatest achievement is simply getting through a difficult period and finding the strength to continue working toward a better future.
This does not mean young people should abandon their ambitions or stop working toward their goals. Instead, it means learning to pursue those goals without allowing comparison and social expectations to destroy their confidence.
One practical step is to set personal goals based on individual circumstances rather than using another person’s achievements as a timetable. Instead of worrying about how quickly someone else has progressed, it may be more useful to identify what can realistically be improved over the next six months or year.
This could involve developing a new skill, applying for better employment opportunities, improving financial habits, expanding a small business, or creating a realistic savings plan.
It is also important to recognise that progress can be gradual. Not every effort produces immediate results, and not every opportunity leads to success. Setbacks are part of life, and experiencing them does not mean a person is incapable of achieving their goals.
Young people should also feel comfortable asking for advice and support when they need it. Speaking with trusted friends, family members, mentors, or professionals can help them see their situations more clearly and identify practical ways forward.
At the same time, families and society have a role to play. Encouragement can be more helpful than constant criticism, and understanding can make a significant difference to someone who is already struggling to find direction.
Instead of asking young people why they have not achieved certain milestones, it may be more constructive to ask how they are coping, what challenges they face, and what kind of support might help them move forward.
A person’s worth should not depend entirely on their salary, marital status, job title, possessions, or social media following.
Behind many of the people who appear successful are stories of uncertainty, sacrifice, and difficult decisions. Some achieved their goals early, while others needed more time to discover the right opportunities. There is no single formula that guarantees everyone will follow the same path.
For young Nigerians in their twenties and thirties, the journey toward a better life may involve patience, determination, difficult choices, and the willingness to begin again when things do not go as planned.
The most important thing is to keep working toward meaningful goals while remembering that life is not a competition in which everyone must reach the same destination at the same time.
Ultimately, the pressure to succeed at a particular age can make people overlook the progress they have already made. Someone who once struggled to find employment may now have a stable job. A person who started with very little may be gradually building a business. Another individual may still be searching for direction but learning important lessons along the way.
These experiences matter, even when they do not look impressive to the outside world.
Being in your twenties or thirties does not mean you must have everything figured out. Your journey is still unfolding, and taking longer than expected does not mean you have failed.
For many young Nigerians, perhaps the real challenge is not simply achieving success but learning to define success on their own terms while navigating the expectations of family, society, and an increasingly competitive world.
At the end of the day, it is better to build a life that genuinely works for you than to spend years trying to convince others that you have made it.
